TRIP ADVISOR

Friday, June 30, 2006

Unwanted 'BLUES' in life

Today I came across my friend’s daughter Mona who got into depressive psychosis following her delivery. I had always seen her as a very vibrant girl full of energy and warmth and it was a great surprise to see her fully withdrawn. Most of the doctors call this as ‘post-partum blues’, but I could not leave it like that. I was worried whether she would take me in to her confidence. From what her mother told me, I could grasp something really went wrong when she was at her mother’s place following her confinement. It has a become a routine thing for our girls to stay in their parents place two months before delivery and then again five months after delivery. Is this type of rest really necessary for a normal delivery? Most of the time I dissuade patients getting stuck to their parents house for nearly six months.
Girls fail to understand that a child has to be brought up by both the father and the mother from the day one of the birth of the child. The girl definitely needs a support from their parents, but bringing up the child together brings lot of emotional attachment to the child. It is fun too. Every step of the child is being watched and enjoyed and the child too feels more secured. Mona was at her parents place for nearly six months. Though they lived in the same town, Mona’s husband Gupta could visit her only on the week ends and he was not allowed to stay with her. Slowly Gupta who is a software engineer in a MNC got deviated from Mona. Nala had joined the firm very recently and she attracted this young engineer. Since Gupta was lonely he spent most of the time in the company. Soon Gupta started sharing his feelings with Nala. Initially they went out for a cup of coffee. Later on it was dinner in a restaurant.
Nala came to her husband’s place after six months. She could not tolerate Gupta coming home late. Initially Nala thought that he was busy with his work, but later on she could find a change in him. The she found out about her husband’s affair with Nala and she started to hate him. And here she was lying as an unwanted woman.
Is this relationship between Gupta and Nala a passing affair? An affair that’s going to be temporary ….
Or is it an emotional attachment? An emotional attachment is the most dangerous and contradicting one. Since both of them get attached to what we call as a bonding relationship, it is very difficult for them to get out of it. This occurs mostly in cases where the husband-wife relationship is not understood properly or when one of the spouses fails to show intimacy towards the other person. Domination over the other person also becomes yet another cause for the deviation.
More next…

7 comments:

priya said...

It can be a passing affair towards emotional distress. When he feels ther is no one to takecare and all of a sudden ther is this woman who makes him feel good and strong as they are in the same profession.
Detachment can happen when the other person stops trusting him/her or moving away from them or as you said living far away.
When that person has withdrawn himself into another woman, it can also be good friendship or for someone who cares and hears his story. I may call it empathy...

D The Dreamer said...

Hi Delphine:

I dunno if we can clearly define the case as a emotional attachment or passing affair. And perspectives of Nala and Gupta might even differ in this matter. Whatever, it was something which could have been avoided :(

D the D

Orani said...

Doc, well done really good one. I will come in the morning and place my thought with that kind of relationship what could yield at the end.

Anyway thanks for putting up this piece.

tbr.joseph said...

Hi Delphine!

Nala came to her husband’s place after six months. She could not tolerate Gupta coming home late. Initially Nala thought that he was busy with his work, but later on she could find a change in him. The she found out about her husband’s affair with Nala and she started to hate him. And here she was lying as an unwanted woman.//

I think you have mentioned Nala instead of Mona in this para.

Having said that I think the relationship between Nala and Gupta could only be a passing affair as D has observed. Here the Mona's parents play a very important role in guiding theri daughter properly.

You observation that the girls do not need this kind of separation is correct. It has almost become a custom that the girls after the delivery shoud take rest for such a long period of time, away from their husbands.

delphine said...

yes sir, I have made a mistake. You know I try to type very fast(I type only with my two index fingers. You got what I mean) and my thoughts are so rumbled at times. I will correct it. I am planning to write something about marriage soon.

delphine said...

Hello Priya and DtD, Thanks for passing by. You know how much I get distressed in my life when I come across such situations. Our girls are pampered toomuch. Thats how I have started to feel. We should impart courage to our girls.

delphine said...

Joseph Sir. When these girls come for delivery, (mostly) , the mother is the one who spoils them. She keeps telling us, O! my daughter cannot tolerate pain. so do a section. But after doing the C.S, actually the girl again suffers for another two days. I feel we must conduct some pre-natal classes and educate both the husband and wife and ideally they should take decisions. what do you say?